I Looked at August's Schedule and you Don't Want to Know What I Said

After the Mets got snakebitten yesterday (well, except for David Wright), I took it upon myself to see who we were playing next. So I whipped out my Pocket Schedule O' Suckage and whatdaya know, we're playing Atlanta. On the road. Shit.

Then we're playing Philly. On the road. Shit.

Then we come back home and play Colorado. Shit.

Then we play Philly again. Shit.

Then we play Houston and Pittsburgh and Florida and Houston again before heading back to Atlanta at the end of the month.

Basically, we have a tough schedule coming up. I would like to gain some ground in the division. But I really don't think that's going to happen for a number of reasons:

1.) The Atlanta Braves are the best home team in the majors. And we suck on the road. You do the math.

2.) The stupid Phillies have their stupid "Roy-tation" now. We can only hope that despite of this "Roy-tation," the offense doesn't perform in the clutch. That might happen since Shane Victorino is on the DL. That might not happen because if one guy doesn't step up, another guy kills you. And that's why I hate the Philadelphia Phillies.

3.) The Mets tend to lose to teams like Houston and Pittsburgh. A series with the Mets could send a sub-.500 team on a nice little run.

4.) Mike Pelfrey is back to sucking.

5.) Oliver Perez is still in a Mets uniform.

6.) Same goes for Luis Castillo.

7.) Because of a depleted farm system, the Mets really can't make a big move in the next half hour. I mean, we can't even dump our reject players onto the Cubs for their reject player. That's gotta tell ya something.

8.) Jason Bay is on the DL...wait...that improves the team.

9.) We can't rely on Darryl Strawberry to call out the team everytime they suck. If we are going to rely on Darryl Strawberry to call out the team everytime they suck, we should pay him for his services because that seems to be all the time.

10.) We're currently 7.5 games out and in 4th place because Florida comes before New York alphabetically (even though it's technically a tie for third but it could soon be 4th because Florida's on a nice little run).

The Mets need a miracle. Or for somebody to get fired, which would be a miracle in and of itself.

Team Record A.C.: 4-11

David Wright Strikeout Counter: $11.30